wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
