Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
