just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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