Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
