Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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