Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
