i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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