bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
