Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
