so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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