My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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