I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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