sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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