so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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