I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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