I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Houston, we have a blender
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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