Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize