this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize