How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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