hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's like a pop up book from hell.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
