when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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