If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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