That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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