woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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