Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's blow job season.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
