I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
