i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
