i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
