oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
