So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
