I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
