Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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