my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
