thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
