tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize