her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
