Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
