yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
