I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
