I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
