A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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