Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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