i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
