this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
