I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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