dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
