1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
