So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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