I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
