I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
