i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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