Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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