can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize