Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
