i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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