hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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