He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
