Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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