Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize