morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize