I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
