I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
