Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
