eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
