Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
