At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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