I think I am morally bankrupt
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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