Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
