I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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