Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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