U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
