whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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