how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
