the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
