haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
